The sign that a worker is no longer depending on Lord

"Burn-0ut, I am in the desperate stage of burning out. I could even smell the smoke. "

This was what I had all over my mind over the 48 hours in the previous Sat and Sun. I complained and lost temper whenever people ask me to "reschedule and give up those unnecessary things". This piece of advice even drove me to the edge --- "OK. Do you give up the Sunday worship? Do you give up the cell group that you lead? Do you give up the meeting of the cell group leader? and there are lots of others, this and that..... DO you ? Do YOU? Do I want to go to all these things myself? Do I go to all these things for my own seek of satisfaction?" Groans starts to grow. See. It has crossed the line. My emotion and my attitude of serving started to rot. (And yet thank you Lord for granting me high level of self-awareness; or else, it may be even worst. There must be a way out in Lord, I told myself. )

"What is the sign that a worker is no longer depending on Lord and broken before God? It is his attitude." (Yohannan, 2004)

I thank Lord for sending different teachers to me, I don't know them in person and may be never get the chance in meeting them before seeing our heavenly father. However, I somehow could come across their writings and learn great lessons from them by reading. I can see Jesus in their life. The following was what encouraged me in the morning meditation in Lord :

"Years ago, I used to murmur about recording my radio broadcast. My life was getting painful because of lack of time, and privately I said to Gisela (note: his wife), "I am so sick and tired. I can't do my radio broadcast anymore. I get up so early in the morning and then I work all day. I am emotionally drained. I wish somebody else would do it."

Then she said to me, "May I tell you something? You've been complaining about how important you are, how little time you have an how hard this job is. If you say it a few more times, God will remove you and put somebody else in charge who is better than you. Don't you understand? When you hard God's call to lead Gospel for Asia, you gave up your teaching and preaching ministry and complained that your gift was not to live in America and teach people about missions. But how can you forget that God, in His mercy, gave you a microphone and a world to speak to? God has a thousand people waiting in queue for one opportunity to do a better job than you are doing. But God still shows your mercy. Be careful. The work is not something to boast about or to complain about, but rather our privilege." (Chapter Seven, Total Dependence on the Lord, Against the wind, K. P. Yohannan, Gposel for Asia, 2004, P.97-98)

Lord, Thank you for sending me messages via your servant, even they are miles away.
Lord, this is comforting and I should let no place of this complain stay in my life any longer.

Thank you Lord, I love you Lord and the people you entrusted in me, Lord.


Book : Against the wind, K. P. Yohannan, Gposel for Asia, 2004